Rating scales are really useful. We use them to decide where to stay, what to eat, which sights to see. On a recent trip to China, ratings were used to decide whether or not to “go”. Our group quickly determined not all Chinese bathroom facilities are created equal and a rating system was necessary. The rating determination was delegated to the neediest one in line, and then communicated to the rest of us.
The criteria were not always straightforward and sometimes became complicated. First of all, Western vs. Eastern? Clean, as in when was the last time the floor was washed. Third, toilet paper? Attendants? Self-flushing? Was the door designed for a tiny Chinese or a normal-sized American? Was there a door?
We traveled from misty, green karst-landscaped Guilin to quaint ancient Dali to pristine Lijiang. Coping with situations from sea level to 10,000 feet honed our rating skills. On Jade Dragon Snow Mountain an interesting tiled throne room offered breathtaking views over the Tibetan plateau. In colorful Guiyang a trip to the restaurant facilities could be hijacked by singing waitresses pouring wine down one’s throat from little gourds. Queuing and privacy are foreign concepts in a country of over a billion people, so public bathrooms presented an additional challenge from hotels and tourist destinations. Regardless of the difficulties, investigations continued and eventually a rating system evolved.
5 Stars: Western commode, working flush mechanisms, toilet paper, washing sink with soap and towels.
4.5 Stars: Western with flushing mechanism, lacking one or more of the above extras.
4 Stars: Western commode lacking all of the above extras.
3 Stars: Eastern (squat) toilet, with clean porcelain, attendant always washing floors, working flushing mechanisms. Toilet paper is generally unknown—always bring your own.
2 Stars: Usable, but not before rolling up pant legs or wrapping skirt around one’s waist. After retrieving toilet paper from pocket, remember the handiwipes in the purse.
1 Star: Only for the desperate or those of us with aging control.
0 Stars: Find a bush.
For a complete description of a wonderful two weeks in Yunnan province see www.dreammaker.org
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